just recently i was told by a certain someone, who shall remain nameless, who won't ever read this; that i needed to grow up !
i was angry, mad and a wee bit perplexed. why? why, i asked should i "grow up?" i was told i needed to act my age. i have never been aware of a guide book or rule book that we come into this world with that lays out parameters for how we are to conduct ourselves at each step along the way of life.
i have said it before and i will say it again, i will be in my old rocking chair with purple hair, perhaps a mohawk, with my doc martens, listening to music that makes me happy. be it michael mcdermott, approaching troy, val emmich, fall out boy, the sex pistols, the avett brothers, needtobreathe, will hoge, pitbull, prima donna and countless others too numerous to mention. i may have to turn my hearing aid up louder than normal, but what the hell. so what if i LOVE outlander, hannibal, the crow, the lost boys (72X in theatre) and collect toys and things related to what i love? who am i hurting?
what is it hurting if i enjoy what i enjoy. music-preferably loud, going to concerts, tattoos, sugar skulls, religious iconography, photography, books-be they popular, obscure, victorian, vampires, new adult, serial killers, criminology and the like, and traveling to see my friends. i can't help it if all my friends live so far away. (and your suggestion to find some new friends, well that isn't so easy. do i take out an ad in the local paper?? friend wanted...blah, blah, blah. i can imagine the responses i would get.)
i have come a long way in the last few years, ne months 9 to be exact--like giving birth to a new me. lost approximately 120 lbs., been forced out of a job i loved (but a boss i did not), care taker of my two elderly in-laws (one of whom passed away), for the first time in years not having a "real" job. i've faced crisis of faith, of self, anxiety attacks, panic attacks, the return of trichotilomania, darling daughter moving out and becoming her own person, adopted a cat-miyuki, and learned how to live on a smaller budget (and you know how i like to shop).
through all this chaos and turmoil i've questioned myself. what am i here for? what is my purpose in life? does anyone truly care? will anyone miss me when i am gone? what will i be remembered for, if anything, when i am gone? did i make a difference?
so don't tell me to grow up--because i have. i've earned my stripes. if i want to get another tattoo, I WILL. if i want to play my music loud and sing my lungs out in the car, I WILL. if i want to dress funky, I WILL damnit. I WILL. age is a state of mind in my opinion and i will be FOREVER YOUNG!
so when you tell me to grow up and that i EMBARRASS you, i feel sorry for you. that you cannot embrace life without worrying about what others think of you.
i am not perfect, have never claimed to be and never will. but if i leave anything behind, it's this....I AM FOREVER YOUNG AND DAMN THE TORPEDOES, I ALWAYS WILL BE.
