People often ask me or wonder why the tattoos. What possessed me? Why on earth would I do this to myself? To answer these questions you will have to learn a little bit about me as we go along. I know I don't have many readers. Shrug. So maybe this is just an exercise for me. Whatever it is, it feels cathartic. There is a strong relationship between music and religion in most of my tattoos.
I had always jokingly said that before I died I wanted to shave my head and get a tattoo. But my other half would have to be gone first, as he doesn't like either of these. Well he's not gone yet, but this is my story.
I had been a fan of Michael McDermott since his first cd release, but had kind of lost touch with his music. Something compelled me to look him up on the internet. What I found was music that touched my soul and a fan base of the greatest sort, many of whom have become lifetime friends. We call ourselves; Paupers, McDerelicts, and Those Abandoned In-Between. Through the fans, the music, the community spirit; I started healing. I was able to actually go to Chicago, Michael's home base, for a cd release party. There I met my online friends for the first time. We had set up a dinner for the fans before the show. Michael himself came. Despite that feeling that when you put someone up on a pedestal, they won't live up to your expectations, or that they will let you down in some way, Michael was very genuine, sweet and spent quite a bit of time making me feel like one of the family so to speak. The show was amazing. It was like a religious experience. Every single person in the venue, singing the words to every song. The love in the room was palpable. I love my friends I have made through Michael's music. I love Michael and his family, his music, his words that speak to my soul. I have ventured to Chicago many more times to see my friends and catch Michael McDermott playing his heart out.
Fast forward to several years ago. After my Dad passed away I gained a tremendous amount of weight. I topped out at 260 lbs! I was in bad health and decided to change my health and my life. Through counting carbs, portion control and exercise I lost 100 lbs!! And now at present I have lost 120 lbs. depending on the day and scale =:0)
This is where the first tattoo comes in. I wanted to do something to celebrate this achievement. Something for me. I chose angel wings. Angels, I believe in them. They also turn up in many a McDermott song. I asked Michael if he would write out the word "surrender" for me as I was going to get a tattoo. He nicely did this for me. Surrender turns up a lot in his lyrics. He even has a song called "Surrender." Surrender has so many meanings. It just seemed like the perfect choice. I went to, Nate Beavers, who is the greatest tattoo artist in Houston, nee the world. In an earlier blog I wrote about my first experience, so I won't go into it here only to say that Nate is a Christian and his work space was in his church at the time. I told him what I wanted and gave him the sample of Michael's writing. And of course, told him my favorite color was purple. Which he already knew. =:o) This is the result. It is on my inner right forearm.
They say tattoos are addicting and I guess they are. Several months later I decided I had to get a second one. This time I found a beautiful picture of a statue of an angel. I once again asked Michael to write out the words "guardian angel." Which he graciously did for me. I took both to Nate, he did some tweaking on the angel and we were ready to go. To me there is something spiritual about getting a tattoo. For me the process is cathartic in the sense that while it's happening I lose myself in the process. Think deep thoughts, pray, and also listen to great music and have camaraderie with Nate. It's a cleansing of sorts, when that needle starts to buzz, if that makes any sense. The Guardian Angel represents my Dad who is surely watching me from Heaven above (not sure how he would take the tattoos) and Michael McDermott whose music, lyrics and person literally saved my life. Here is my Guardian Angel, who sits on my left upper arm and watches out for me.
About 6-9 months later our cat, Tessa passed away. She was part of our lives for 17 years. I wanted to do something to memorialize her. I love sugar skulls, religious iconography, day of the dead and such. So I took several pictures of Tessa with me that my daughter had taken. Nate chose the one he thought would look the best. Then I asked him to incorporate a sugar skull into the work. What he came up with blew me out of my chair.
A McDermott pal of mine introduced me to the music of Val Emmich. Thanks Buzzsaw (Marshal). He thought I would like it. Love it is more like it. Val is a genius lyricist. If you haven't ever listened to him, I highly suggest you check him out. Every so often he does what he calls "Song Shop." For a fee you tell him what you want the song to be about, or give him facts about yourself, send him poetry and he creates a song for you. I don't know of many artists who can produce beautiful, fun, meaningful songs in a short period of time, that are brilliant and spot on. I've always wanted a song written about me and since no one had yet I decided to splurge. I sent him some factoids, and some of my poetry. We had communicated via email several times, and interacted via Stageit (which Michael McDermott also uses). The song I received, "Mary" but I refer to it as "Mary's Song" is fun, poignant and captured my life and feelings at that point and time in my life exactly. I cried when I heard the song the first time.
So yes, you guessed right. I wanted to somehow turn this song into a tattoo. I was still working in a library at the time and thought it would be interesting if we could somehow turn a book into a rose. I went to Nate with the idea. I also had choice words from the song that I wanted highlighted somehow. Nate come up with the idea of using old dictionary pages to illustrate the words I wanted highlighted. The end result is breath taking.
What did I say that tattoos can be addicting? Yes, but as I said to me, they are a celebration, a battle scar, a piece of my life permanently etched on my skin. In essence I am my own piece of art.
The next inspiration was from a band called Needtobreathe. They have a song "Be More Heart and Less Attack" of which the sentiment really touched a chord with me. We can all use more heart and less attack in our lives. I wanted to do something with the phrase. As I mentioned I love religious iconography and wondered if the sacred/eternal heart would work with these lyrics. I asked Michael McDermott if he would write the phrase out for me. Again he graciously did, even though it wasn't his song. (Thank you Michael!) So off to Nate I go with an idea and words. We used a Victorian sacred/eternal heart and the lyrics and it fit together wonderfully. A few weeks later I saw Needtobreathe in concert and met the band before the show. I showed them the tattoo and they loved it.
Did I mention I love dragonflies? Well I do and I decided the next tattoo would be a dragonfly. Dragonflies are harbingers of hope, luck, and sometimes I like to think they are angels visiting earth in beautiful, gorgeous bodies. I chose the Roseate Skipper as it was colorful and yes, purple. This one is spiritual. No musical connection. At least not that I know of yet. Placement is my right calf. In person it appears it's about to take flight. As usual Nate did a bang-up job. The detail is incredible.
At this point I said I was done. Sure, Mary, sure. That was 10 months ago. At that time there was a lot of upheaval in my life. I won't bore you with all the gory details except to say I was forced to leave my job and within 3 days was caretaker of my elderly in laws. One of whom passed away in November. Once again I sunk into a bad, dark place. Wondering why? What was my purpose? Do I make a difference? Does anybody freaking care? Self-pity and depression are never a good place to be.
During this time I somehow stumbled onto a video by a new band from Long Island, New York--Approaching Troy. I loved them. They made me feel alive again. I reached out to them and quickly became internet buddies with Jake, Dom, Sean (Angry Boy. jk), Alex (Jay) and Joe. They have welcomed the crazy gal from Texas into their Approaching Troy family. And for that I thank you (even if you aren't coming to Texas on this tour, haha).
Also during this time a phrase from a Val Emmich song became an earworm. I couldn't get it out of my head. "The beautiful terror, makes me mute." I contacted Val and asked if he would mind if I used it for a tattoo and could he possible write the line out for me to use as well. Once again, he graciously wrote it out for me. There are still good, generous and beautiful people around in this world.
Then a band I've loved since their first release, Third Eye Blind, was gearing up to release a new cd, their first in 6 years. I had seen them once on tour several years back and thought to myself, if I was in a band, Stephan Jenkins is who I would want to be. Pure entertainer. The whole enchilada. And yes, there was a time when I wanted to be a "rock star". I couldn't sing worth crap, but had the entertainer part down. The Hopeless Kids, we played garages all over Friendswood. There is a difference at least to me, you can be a great band, a great singer, but there are a few that are born entertainers as well. Robbie Williams also comes to mind. So with a new 3eb release I was very intrigued as to what the new music would be like. Dopamine, is their new release and I love it. At the last minute I decided I had to go to their concert. Luckily I found some good seats at a decent price at Stub Hub. (Shhh! Don't tell). 4th row. I wish I had been in the pit but 4th row was great. Me and my Sista J went and the show, the band, nor Mr. Jenkins did not disappoint. Once again, a show that seemed spiritual. With most singing along to every word to every song. Stephan Jenkins owned the stage that night. (P.S. Stephan, I love the skirt). I have also found a great 3eb community online, The Misfits, that have welcomed me with open arms.
What is all this leading up to? A marathon tattoo session--3 in one sitting. (Something I probably wouldn't do again in one sitting. But I am tough and got through it just fine. Just a little bruised up and sore for the next few days.) I swear this is the last. Really! I am running out of real estate. So Monday July 6th I was back with Nate again and several crazy ideas.
First on the agenda was 3eb related. I wanted the molecule, dopamine, also the name of their new cd (and a song on the cd), with 3eb in the middle. Dopamine is something we all have in our brains. It controls happiness, lust, love, addictions among other things. (My Mom, a retired RN told me that when people get old sometimes they lose dopamine, and have to replace it.) So this is it. Placement is on my left calf. The dark parts are actually dark purple and the round parts are jewel tone greens. This was taken right after it was done.
Next up was the band logo from Approaching Troy. They have made me feel like family, even though I am so far away. Plus the logo is just pretty damn cool. It's dark purple outlined in black. Placement right chest/collar bone area. Again I hope to meet them some day as well. Although we did talk via phone/radio on a very, ahem, different radio show. =:O) And yes this was taken right after being done.
Last on the agenda was the most difficult. Remember the Val Emmich line that I am so in love with "The beautiful terror, makes me mute". Well we had to come up with a way to illustrate this. Nate suggested a mouth--but how to make it mute? After viewing some pretty crazy stuff on the internet, someone actually has a zipper installed on their tongue!! We decided with a mouth that was zipped up, with the wording underneath. The zipper also ties in with my punk rock roots. I didn't want the mouth to look sinister, I am sure some will think it does, but I don't. Just a pretty mouth that is scared to speak. This one is on my right waist/rib area between bottom bra line and pant line.
Most of these tattoos are ballads of some sort or another. Stories of my life, a moment, a phrase and most have a religious element as well.
I feel they define who I am. What I am. When I am down, I look at Surrender and take hope. I look at my back in the mirror and remind myself to be more heart, less attack. To be more kind, let go of the negativity I have been carrying around. I see Dopamine and remember an awesome show, my love for 3eb and remind myself I deserve to be happy. I look at my dragonfly and my heart soars on it's wings. I see Tessa and remember that unconditional love that an animal gives. I see my Guardian Angel and know my Dad is up there waiting for me and thanking God that Michael McDermott's music saved my life. I see Approaching Troy and love that I love music and that music loves me. These guys make me happy to still be loving music. The wonderful heart makes me smile. My book rose, well when I see it I want to cry. It is just so beautiful. And Val
Emmich's talent is just so real, so there. I also want to cry because without knowing me, he does know me. My zippered lips-well they have many meanings to me. All the f'ing years I put up with abuse at work that I didn't have to. But also knowing I unzipped those lips and had the last word as I walked out the door. I thank Val for the beautiful phrase that has many meanings.
I hope to meet Val, 3eb, and the Approaching Troy gang one day so I can tell each and every one of them how much they mean to me. How much they get me through a rough day, a rough week, through a Semi-Charmed life.
These are my ballads. My stories. My scars. My triumphs. I hope this gives you an understanding of the why and how come of my tattoos. The buzz of the tattoo needle, that inner sanctuary, where music, religion, and life come together and create beauty, art, and inner peace.
Thank you Nate Beavers for the beautiful artwork you have given me.
Thank you Michael McDermott, Val Emmich, Needtobreathe, Adam Ant, Approaching Troy and Third Eye Blind for being there when I needed you most.
