Vanity thy name is self

VANITY THY NAME IS SELF

i have never considered myself vain. never. i've had bad acne in my youth, and still on occasion. thanks mom =:0) of course, that means less wrinkles or so i am told. i've had bad acne, i've been anorexic thin and i have been very overweight. okay, let's call it what it was--fat. but never have i looked in the mirror and said, "mary you are all that and a bag of chips." 

okay, so that's not quite true. it's a partial truth. i have always considered my eyes my best feature. the path and window to my soul. you can look at my eyes, and see what i am all about.

 happiness 

EXCITEMENT............................................>

seriousness

silly

 

 seductive---------------->

 so yes i have looked in the mirror and thought hell yeah, my eyes are on point today. i love eye shadow, eyeliner, and colored mascara.

this is where the vanity comes in. recently this has been happening:

hideous, swollen, red, puffy, itchy allergy eyes. i finally broke down and went to an allergist. of the 40 most common allergens, i tested 0 for them. leave it to me to have an uncommon allergy. treatment plan: wash lids and surrounding area daily with baby shampoo, change face soap to Cetaphil, 2 types of eye drops and NO EYE MAKEUP, CONCEALER OR EYE CREAM until i go back on april 3rd. 

NO EYE MAKEUP, NO EYE MAKEUP, NO EYE MAKEUP. i can't do this. i just can't . i am screaming this inside. i can't go out in public looking like a red golf ball eyed freak. if it's not red then it's dry and scaly. i just can't. 

well i had to. i have a job i must go to. a life i must live. the first few days i wore glasses to try to cover it up. ha! no luck there, plus the glasses are shit (thanks target) i can see far away but not up close. 
as a good friend says~~i had to suck it up buttercup.

what a lesson in humility. an eye opener (pun (not) intended?). i learned something about myself. i was vain. yes VANITY THY NAME IS SELF! i am about halfway through til the next allergy appointment, and it doesn't bother me so much anymore. would i like to do up my eyes? YES. can i go without and not feel like a freak? YES I CAN. in fact i have been able to sleep an extra 15 minutes every morning skipping the eye makeup step in my routine. BONUS!!!!

it's never too late to learn about yourself, about humility, grace, and being thankful for what you have. i have eyes that i can see out of and read with. hallelujah. when i get my eye allergy straightened out will i go back to doing up my peepers? SURE. but i will have a choice and if i don't feel like it, it won't bother me so much any more.

VANITY THY NAME IS SELFIE WITHOUT ANY MAKEUP....