between the pages of my mind: June 2012

i must admit, i never thought i'd get a tattoo. i've always liked them, but just never thought it was something i'd go through with. two things i've said all my life that i have wanted to do: get a tattoo and shave my head. for numerous reasons i thought i'd be a really old lady before any of these things happened.

in the early fall my daughter got a tattoo. found out about it in a round about way. she knew i would be cool with it, but poppa not so cool. it's beautiful. she has it on her left thigh. a victorian picture frame with mountain scenery and a gorgeous purple auroa borealis across the sky. she had done a lot of research before hand (like mother, like daughter) and picked an artist, nate beavers, to do her tattoo. he is apparently well known in the tattooing field. when i saw the breath-taking beauty of her tattoo, it inspired me to to want one.

i decided to reward myself when i reached my goal of losing 100lbs. it's also a milestone year for me. i'm turning 50 in september. so i starting squirreling away a few dollars here and there to save up for getting a tattoo. i contacted nate and told him what i wanted. the word "surrender" written by my favorite musician, michael mcdermott, with angel wings somehow incorporated into it.

there is a backstory about why the word surrender--it has many meanings to me. it's woven itself in and out of my life in various areas.i've suffered from depression, panic/anxiety and ocd. so has my daughter. the word surrender also weaves itself in and out in the lyrics of many of michael's songs. it just seemed to be the word i needed for daily inspiration. also see blog entries: surrender and the gift for more explanation.

nate said he usually does larger pieces, but he'd be willing to do it.yay, as kaitlyn told me she would not let anyone else touch me. after much back and forth emailing, and emailing him handwriting samples from michael a date is finally decided on. june 6th at 4pm. forever known to me as "t" day.

he sometimes works at a studio in kemah, but for my appointment i had to go to his private studio on taft street. that in and of itself for me was gonna be a bitch. i am not a freeway driver. i'm a freeway wimp. the mere thought of driving into houston on the freeway makes me clench up, start sweating and my heart start racing. if i can, i usually find the way to get somewhere in the most circuitous route. what i like to call the johnny backroads way. but on the 6th i faced my freeway fear head on and drove up the gulf freeway all the way to the allen parkway exit. and then from allen parkway i found taft. now this is where the story gets really interesting.

i am driving down taft looking for the address nate gave me. i drive by and all i see is a church. with a coffee shop. he did say it was by a coffee shop. i drive down a few more blocks thinking i must be mistaken. but nope, don't see any tattoo parlors. i turned around and drove back by the address. circled the block. then i pulled over out of traffic and called nate. "are you in a church i ask". "yep. make the block the parking lot is in the back. come in through the coffee shop and they will direct you to my studio. i'm running a little late but you can come up and chill." so i park the car, check the surroundings and go into the door and step inside a funky little coffe shop with pub tables and such. almost like a bar. i walk to the bar and say, "ummm i have an appointment with nate. he said to come on upstairs. where do i go?" the gentleman behind the bar says, "let me call him. he has someone up there and usually doesn't like anyone else up there while he's working." i reply "i just talked to him on the phone and he said c'mon up." the bar guy indicates i should sit down. so i do. a few minutes later he calls me over and says "nate said to go on up." me: "ummm, can you point me in the right direction?" oh he chuckles, "go through the sanctuary, then through the doorway, up the stairs to your right and you will see it."

by now this is becoming a somewhat surreal experience. as i walk through the sanctuary, there are people praying in a group up towards the front. there are huge artwork photos of tattoos lining the walls of the sanctuary. strange i think. i go through the doorway and head up some stairs to my right. what have i gotten myself into? at the top of the stairs it opens up into a big room. like a boardroom. there are people sitting around the table. they of course look at me, and me at them. "i'm here to see nate." "oh, just go in through that door marked nate beavers." well duh, i think to myself. how could i miss his name taped on the door.

i slowly walk to the door. thinking should i turn and walk away? run? or do something crazy that i've always wanted to do. yes, i open the door. the studio has all this funky artwork on the walls, a chandelier and a cool victorian looking couch. my kinda place. past the couch i see nate (i had see his picture online. kind of a big scary looking dude, but kait assured me he was very nice. turns out he's a big teddy bear) and there is a guy on the table with just a cloth covering his butt. he's getting a huge piece worked on. i say "hi nate, i'm mary." he says "hey, you are a little early." i reply, "sorry. freeway wimp." "that's cool." i ask if he minds if i wait there, i brought a book to read. "no, it's cool." the guy on the table says "hey, you're making me nervous here." i quickly grab my stuff and head out towards the door. "i'm sorry i'll just wait downstairs." "hey," he says. "i'm just kidding." whew. so i get comfy on the couch, my back is to the action. so i don't watch, i can just hear. the tattoo guns? machines? sound like dentist drills. my anxiety level is through the roof at this point.

i keep reading for probably 30 minutes or so. nate finally finishes up with the guy he was working on. my turn now. big gulp. we introduce ourselves to eachother and nate asks me a few questions. he pulls up the email with the sample of michael's handwriting. "which version (there are three) do you like the best?" he asks me. i say the middle one. "good" he replies. "that's the one i would choose myself." okay, so far so good. "so what kind of wings do you want?" i tell him, "you know, i really don't know. i'm trusting your vision on this." "and you like purple" he asks. yes. i reply laughing as i'm mostly dressed in purple. "okay. i'm going to spread the letters out just a bit.." and away he goes. tracing, drawing, erasing, sketching, folding papers this way and that. we talk about music while he's doing this. he is very easy to talk to and puts me totally at ease. i tell him this is a bit of a surreal experience, this being in a church and all. are you a christian? yes he tells me. this is the church he goes to. he explains that the big photo art work in the sanctuary was for easter. several of the parishioners, including the pastor, were tattooed with the stations of the cross and had a live art show. it was on cnn. he said this is a very open church everyone is welcome. he tells me he used to be a wild child, but turned his life around.

turns out adam ant (!) has contacted him to enquire about getting a tattoo!!! there are also some other threads where our lives have intersected. after five to ten minutes, he turns the page around and the drawing is incredible. just perfect. exactly what i wanted, even though i could not begin to imagine how it would turn out. i express my joy to him. he tells me my wrists are so small he thinks it would be better to do it a bit further up my forearm. also because i type a lot the lower wrist area has the potential to not heal properly, get infected and not last as long. i trust his advice and say "sounds good to me."

he said "i'm thinking a light purple on the wings, with white highlights. also i want to highlight the letters in white, so once it has healed it will really pop." i agree. i say "whatever you think is best. i trust your judgement." he gets some special kind of paper and copies the outline on it. he then places that on my forearm, so it leaves the skeleton of the outline for him to work from.

now for the moment of truth. i'm scared, but yet at peace and nate has made me very at ease. he says he usually just has a person sit with their arm across the table, but he feels like i will do better if i lay down. so i stretch out on the table, which i might add he cleaned scrupulously before i got on it. he also uses an autoclave and everything is sealed etc. like i said baby girl did her research. he tells me to relax and the tattooing starts. it really didn't hurt but a few times. it was more of an annoyance than anything else. in some ways it was pleasurable. zen like moments. we talked at times and were quiet at others. i'd say it took him about 45 minutes or so. when he was done, he said "take a look." wow. it was even better than i expected. so beautiful. the color of purple is perfect. the detail in the wings is amazing. and the lettering is fabulous. it's michael's handwriting to a t. i sat up slowly. i was actually afraid i might pass out, was a wee bit shaky on my feet. but otherwise okay.

i expressed my sheer happiness about how it looked to him. he wrapped it in plastic and said to keep it wrapped until i got home. then to wash it off with clear antibacterial soap (like soft soap or dial). then to put aquaphor on it. he said i can tell you have sensitive skin like your daughter. the aquaphor will work best for you. once you get home and take the plastic off, wash it and massage it a little.it will ooze blood and lymph cells. don't be surprised if some color comes off. that's normal. for the next two days wash three times a day with the clear soap and follow afterward with the aquaphor. don't touch it, don't let anything rough on it. dry it with clean white paper towels. after that continue to wash several times a day and use an unscented moisturizer on it. sometime at the 3-5 day mark it should start itching. this is a sign it's healing. (this happened yesterday. and let me tell you itching is an understatement. it itches like a yeast infection gone wild ((sorry guys)). but you can't itch it, scratch it, or touch it. i found blowing cool air on it helped a little. i've had to use every restraint i have to not itch it. the next phase is it itches and starts peeling. the gross part. again, you cannot pick at it. or peel off the dry skin or you may damage the coloring. after washing now i still follow with a moisturizer.

i never ever knew there was so much involved in the care and keeping of a tattoo. on tv or in the movies they come out of the shop and bam...it's all good. you never see the other stuff that goes on. as i type this i am itching furiously and using all the restraint i can to stay away from it! also found out the sun is no friend to tattoos. once completely healed will need to moisturize daily with a moisturizer containing sunscreen.

i digress, back to the end of our session. it was a very wonderful experience. and nate showed nothing but kindness and helped so much to put me at ease and enjoy the experience. i thanked him several times, settled the bill and gave him a mega tip. he really is a true artist with skin as his canvas. he has no formal art training either. self taught.

after leaving i met up with my good friend leisa for dinner. needed a diversion from the going home houston traffic. we ate at p.f. chang's. another milestone. mary eats chinese for the first time! at the restaurant i had several people commenting on the tattoo and how cool it was, and this was even while it was still wrapped in plastic!
then i drove home one again on the freeway. this time tackling 610 to the gulf freeway. proud of myself for getting there and back and facing my fears head on.

i also discovered the church where this took place...my nephew goes there. it's like all these elements intersected. like it was meant to be.

since then, and tomorrow it will be a week,i have had numerous compliments from folks i encounter at work and out and about. i look down at it daily (even at this gross peeling stage) and love it. it reminds me of what i've accomplished in my life, what i have overcome, and makes me proud to be me. (and as a friend once said to me....fly your freak flag proudly girl!) another friend told me "brilliant colors" and i look down and that is what i see. hubby doesn't care for it. but this is for me. my life. my accomplishments. my surrender.

and shhhhhh.....starting to think about another one........i think i'd like the angel of grief on my shoulder.......

6.12.2012

yes, summer @ the library has started with a bang....err....barf??

i think library workers need hazard pay. at least at my library. today was the first "hazmat" type situation of the summer. a frantic co-worker runs into my office with the words......SOME KID JUST THREW UP ALL DOWN THE HALL. now there are no daily cleaning people at the library. so everyone stands around looking at each other. who's cleaning this mess up? so usually me, with my love of all things csi and forensics, gets the job. if not me then who? so a co-worker, kim bless her heart, and myself glove up, get a pile of junk towels, and trash bags and get to work. no mentholatum today. so it's....breathe through your mouth......breathe through your mouth...mantra running through my head. we sop up and throw wet towels into trash bag, sop up some more, and more. how much did this kid eat??? i can tell by the stomach contents he had some type of blended fruit smoothie type drink with oranges, peaches or mangoes in it. bleergh. okay that's done. now what? carpet cleaner. check. spray, spray, spray. guess what? it glowed white, almost like luminol. you could literally see the barf outline. cool? sorta. scrub, scrub, scrub. then comes the lysol. gloves off. trash to dumpster. a patron sitting close by nursing her child says...do you guys get extra pay for this. is it in your job description. ha ha ha ha. sure we do.

now who would have thought that the library would be a place you need to glove up in? over the years, let's see......patron's exploding in the bathroom stall, fishing bloated kotex out of the toilet with a coat hanger, handling bloody books, bloody kids, picking up poop off the floor, diapers dumped (contents spilled), barf, snot, diarrhea on dvd/video cases, vasoline (i prefer to think it was vasoline) or semen on a dvd case, applesauce covered books in the bookdrop, roaches crawling out of dvd cases, hair....in books...people it's gross. this is just the tip of the iceberg.
did i mention a bookpocket full of pubic hair. oh yes. all true. all true.

so yeah, i think we deserve hazard pay. or a least some really cool tyvek hazmat suits to clean the messes up in!

libraries...not just a quiet, clean place with books.