the gift

the gift


you can’t take it from me.
this gift i’ve given to myself.
i love it.
it’s special to me.
everytime i look down at it.,
i feel accomplishment,
love,
hardship,
endurance,
and inspiration
i’m proud of myself.


it makes me feel happy,
to know i have come so far.


after my father died,
you are right
i have never been the same.
a never ending downward spiral.
ups and mostly downs.
and yes you picked up the pieces
so many times.
and for that i am forever grateful.
the love you’ve given 
the care, the concern.
i am sure at times you felt like you
were raising two children not one.




sickness of the soul,
sickness of the body,
sickness of the mind.


it’s been a long road,
an uphill battle,
but i am here, 
i am still standing
and i am proud.


proud of myself,
for persevering,
for not giving up,


proud of you,
for supporting me,
and holding me up,
when i needed it most.


proud of you for being there
for kaitlyn, whether she
realizes it now or not.


i am sorry if you do 
not understand
what this gift means to me.
that it brings me joy,
peace,
and a sense of self-worth.


there is no ulterior motive,
no reason for you to think so.
understand this gift is mine.


it brings me love,
it brings me joy,
it brings me happiness.


i will not let you take 
that away from me.
we are joined,
yet we are individuals.
we will not always see
eye to eye.
it doesn’t mean there isn’t love
it doesn’t mean intent to hurt you.


it’s my surrender to my self.
it is mine.
5.7.2012